You find the lack of camouflage pickups disheartening.
They’re a staple of your native homeland, just like cattle and cotton. If you haven’t seen a lifted pickup wearing a coat of camouflage spray paint, a spotlight, and a roll cage, you’re definitely not roaming the Alabama heartland.
The local sweet tea begins to taste okay.
There’s sweet tea, and there’s Alabama sweet tea. If the sweet tea from the local eatery is starting to taste okay, you might want to look at flights to Birmingham or Montgomery STAT.