1. You wake up to the whiny, lying shit bag voice of some guy who just got caught cheating on 99.5.

Thanks Kane Show for always waking me up with a laugh and a constant wonder if I need to look into my husband.

2 .Your drunk friends call you at 3:00am to go to Virginia to eat at Kabob Palace.

Ok, so it is totally worth the long ass line around the block. Eat here and your life will be changed forever by the spicy kabob, yogurt sauce and handmade bread.

3. You nearly die on the Metro each morning by crazy women in 6 inch heels.

Wondering why on earth are they running up the never-ending stairs on the metro in 6 inch heels.

4. You get asked daily if you know the President.

Living in D.C. gives you no real advantage of knowing the President on a personal level, he just happens to live here, surrounded by Secret Service and cameras.

5. Traffic, coffee shops, Metro rides, and bars — packed nuts to butts.

All.The.Time.

6. Brunch on the weekends is a glorious event.

Like anyone really needed a reason to drink before 5:00pm on a weekend. In dealing with those judgy bypassers we just have brunch and make it socially acceptable. Hang out long enough and you can order dinner.

7. Your friends want to go out for a night on the town but you end up back at home.

Before midnight, calling the pizza guy to hurry the hell up and yelling at your TV because you have to watch Stepbrothers for the millionth time.

8. You are late for work because the Metro is either not working or experiencing some delay.

And thus you must walk a mile to pick up a bike at the bike share, ride 3 miles around heavy pedestrian and car traffic, drop the bike off, and then walk up 18 flights of stairs because the elevator is broken and that’s just how your day is going.

9. After work you sit on the roof of your building with a bottle of whisky and watch planes land across the water at Reagan National Airport.

You are not an alcoholic for wanting to wind down alone, this is adulating at its finest so you don’t open your big mouth and get in trouble.

10. You receive yet another party invitation that requires formal attire.

If it’s not a wedding or the inauguration, quit wasting my time with your passed hors d’oeuvres and penguin suits.

11. Some running event is happening that has shut down a section of the city — 5k, 10k, half marathon, marathon.

Whatever. I run 0.0

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