12 Differences Between a Normal Friend and a Polish Friend
A normal friend calls you a friend after knowing you for a few weeks and getting a beer twice.
A Polish friend will only call you his friend after knowing you for years and after you’ve helped him move out of his apartment and attended his grandmother’s funeral.
A normal friend wishes you a happy birthday and hands you a gift on your 18th birthday.
A Polish friend hits you with a belt on your buttocks 18 times.
A normal friend wants to grab a drink and a snack in a bar.
A Polish friend tells you he prefers to stay at home and invites you over. You come planning to order a pizza, but find beers in the fridge and a table full of snacks and meals ready for you.
A normal friend comes for a visit to your house and waits for you to offer him tea or coffee.
When a Polish friend comes over, he walks through the door and asks, “What do you have to eat?”
Your normal friend tells you your new haircut looks good on you, even if it doesn’t.
Your Polish friend goes “Wow, you look like you were run over by a lawn mower!”
A normal friend says “please.”
A Polish friend says, “Pass me the salt. Shut the door. Turn off the TV.”
A normal friend answers “Fine, thanks, you?” to the “How are you?” question.
A Polish friend starts making a list of everything that goes wrong for them that day: “It’s so cold and I lost my gloves, my hands are numb from the cold and I couldn’t find my bus ticket in my backpack and I got a fine.”
A normal friend buys champagne when they’re offered a promotion and calls up all his friends to celebrate.
A Polish friend only tells you about the promotion if you specifically ask how work is going. And even then, he’ll try to humbly downplay the importance of it. “Yeah, things are going well… Actually, I’ve just been offered a promotion, but it’s nothing big, I mean, I get a raise and a work car, so yeah… I’m content.”
A normal friend brings a couple of beers to a house party.
A Polish friend brings a couple of bottles of vodka and insists you take it in shots.
A normal friend tells you a lot about his personal life within the first few hours of meeting him for the first time.
A Polish friend will keep his secrets for as long as he can and only reveal them during a drunken night. You will never speak of them again.
A normal friend emails you and Facebooks you regularly if you’re living away.
A Polish friend won’t email you for 8 months, but next time you see each other, you will pick up right where you left off.
A normal friend will have many other friends.
A Polish friend knows and gets along with many people, but only has two or three real friends.