1. Survive a St. Patrick’s Day.
Wake up by 4am to cook a messy plate of bacon and scrambled eggs, throw back shots of Jameson, and make your descent downtown for the biggest clusterfuck of the year. Yes, it’s the largest St. Patrick’s Day parade in the United States, but it’s not the parade that you look forward to. It’s the one million people pressed together within a few streets wearing green, ironic tees draped by cheap beads and stained by even cheaper beer that gets you going. This green sea triggers a reaction in your brain that leads you to a pub at 11 that morning, sloshing back two ibuprofen with an Irish car bomb and powering through to the next bar like a goddamn staggering hero.
There’s even the rare phenomenon of drinking yourself sober. This means that the body has had so much to drink that alcohol no longer has any effect. It’s experienced by the true heroes of St. Patrick’s Day — the warriors who make it to nightfall.