1.

A normal friend will encourage whatever new dietary trend you’re trying this week.
A friend from Alabama will laugh and add more ranch to his pulled pork sandwich.

2.

A normal friend will meet you for drinks after work.
A friend from Alabama won’t spend $15 on your fruity mess, but will instead invite you over for a six-pack on the porch.

3.

A normal friend will trudge through the snow with you to go out on the weekends.
A friend from Alabama will arrive the day before it snows with survivalist gear and bulk groceries to weather through the inch of snow with you.

4.

A normal friend will attend a funeral with you.
A friend from Alabama has already coordinated the delivery of three flower arrangements, has organized catering for you for the next two days, and has made four homemade casseroles for the freezer, just in case.

5.

A normal friend will avoid discussing politics, because they value your friendship.
A friend from Alabama will scream for three hours with you about welfare fraud statistics, and then laugh when neither of you have changed your minds.

6.

A normal friend will awkwardly avoid the topic of religion.
A friend from Alabama will invite you to church, while simultaneously explaining that, no, you don’t have to stop drinking whiskey to go.

7.

A normal friend gets along well with your parents.
A friend from Alabama rolls up to the family reunion with you, and chats with your distant uncle over a few beers.

8.

A normal friend will get party supplies from the liquor store on the corner.
A friend from Alabama will drive two counties over for liquor, while whining about the wet/dry laws in this state.

9.

A normal friend will discreetly tell you that there’s something in your teeth.
A friend from Alabama will grab a toothpick, and say, “Oh honey, open up.”

10.

A normal friend will introduce you to the group by saying, “Hey everyone, this is John. John, this is everyone.”
A friend from Alabama will introduce you to every single member of the group, and expect you to remember who’s who. “John, this is Ashley, Chris, Paul, Josie, Claire, and this over here is Mark, that’s Janie, Chelsea, Karley, that’s Joe, and this here is James.”

11.

A normal friend bonds with you over your mutual love of something.
A friend from Alabama will bond with you over your mutual hate of something.

12.

A normal friend will hold your hair when you’ve had too much to drink at a party.
A friend from Alabama lost you at that party about two hours ago, but will later find you passed out, and will throw you over his shoulder and toss you into his truck bed to take you home.

13.

A normal friend will split the cost of the beach rental with you.
A friend from Alabama knows someone who will let you stay in theirs for free.

14.

A normal friend will be the bigger man, and will admit fault to avoid an argument.
A friend from Alabama will always be right, and will call your mother a year later to make sure she remembers.

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