Photo: Sam Wordley/Shutterstock

The 15 Funniest Australian Expressions

by Will Bowie May 29, 2015

1. Budgie smugglers — Skimpy male beachwear emblazoned with the speedo logo. The bulge in the lycra briefs’ forward-facing extremity resembles that of an incarcerated avian creature.

Tony Abbot is on the front page of the newspaper strutting around in his budgie smugglers, not a pretty sight.

2. Spit the dummy — Expressing extreme dislike to a particular situation in the form of an immature tantrum rivaling that of an infant spitting out their pacifier and bursting into a hysterical crying fit.

I appreciate that you’re upset that your brother recently made love to your girlfriend; however, there is no need to spit the dummy.

3. Acting like a wanker — Masturbatory behaviour. Lack of humility, displaying extroverted self-love with little cause for worthiness.

Nick Kyrgios, another Australian tennis player acting like a wanker.

4. How ‘r’ ya going? — A casually inquisitive greeting on the state of one’s affairs. More of a pleasantry than a genuine question regarding how you’re actually feeling. Expect nonchalance, if not an immediate dismissal if responding with a long drawn out diatribe.

5. Fair Dinkum — An old-fashioned saying highlighting an extreme reassurance of the subject matter. Seldom used, heard most often in irony-laden sound bites by struggling politicians attempting to connect with the common Australian.

Politician at Press Conference:” Yes, I am fair dinkum when I tell you, I did not use Union funds to support my prostitution addiction”.

6. Built like a brick shithouse — An expansive individual showing all size comparisons of an externally located brick bathroom structure.

That gentleman is a monster; he’s built like a brick shithouse.

7. Bogan — Australian rough and ready individuals with an affinity for the mullet hairstyle, touring car races, Victoria Bitter beer and generally uncouth behavior.

Stay away from Rundle Street during the Clipsal 500 car race; you may well end up in a fistfight with a pissed bogan.

8. CUB (Cashed Up Bogan) — New-money bogan complete with fat bank balance, most likely from a high-paying job in the mines. Recklessly spending their newly acquired fortune on boats and loud cars while leveraging themselves to the eyeballs with all sorts of unnecessary consumer debt.

My leafy and once quiet suburb is no longer civilized now that the CUB’s have moved in.

9. Having a whinge — A variant on bitch, moan, whine or complain. To complain for the sake of complaining. Should not be acknowledged with much regard.

Jim is having a whinge about his girlfriend, boss, or something or other. I stopped listening after he opened his mouth

10. Tall Poppy Syndrome — A throwback saying for when being humble reigned supreme. Distaste for any kind of success. Obvious outward envy towards a certain person holding a superior level of hierarchal status.

Jenny suffers from severe tall poppy syndrome. She is constantly berating her best friend ever since she got that (impressive) boob job, diamond engagement ring, and promotion at work.

11. Top Bloke — High status, role model male citizen. Held in the highest regard and deserving of immediate commendation for their integrity and continuing acts of selflessness.

Jonno is such a top bloke, he gave me free tickets to the footy, bought a case of beer and set me up with his smoking-hot cousin.

12. Pull your head in — Behaving in an idiotic fashion requiring of an imminent reprimand.

Stop being a dickhead and pull your head in.</b<

13. Dud root –- Brutally honest report on a lacklustre performance in satisfying carnal desires.

Total starfish, she really was a dud root.

14. G’day, mate — The classic Aussie greeting where good and day compress to form the hybrid word of “g’day”. Friendship or mateship is abbreviated to the preferred styling of “mate”.

G’day, mate, let’s go to the pub and get shitfaced.

15. Chuck a sickie — Entrenched Australian tradition, as old as the day is long. Strategically fabricating an illness in order to avoid work for matters of personal self-indulgence.

With such beautiful weather on Friday, I decided to chuck a sickie and enjoy a three-day weekend.

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