18 fears only people from Memphis understand

1. That 333-year-old Prince Mongo will actually win a mayoral election.

2. That we’ll piss off Michelle at Max’s Sports Bar.

3. That the Mud Island monorail will break down while we’re on it.

4. That we’ll have to climb over that slow-moving train on Southern Avenue again just to get to our chemistry final on time.

5. That we’ll get invited to a wedding in Tipton County.

6. That one of the toothpicks from Huey’s ceiling will fall into our food.

7. That we’ll lose to Ole Miss, Tennessee, or Kentucky in any and all sporting events.

8. That we could have died riding the wooden wonder that was and always will be the Zippin Pippin.

9. That the AC in our car will crap out. The imminent heatstroke is not only a terrifying thought but a legitimate health concern.

10. That we’ll absent-mindedly turn our car onto downtown Main Street.

11. That Mark Gasol will get traded.

12. That the forecast will call for possible snow flurries and another shit show will ensue.

13. That that’s not actually a passing 18-wheeler, but the colossal earthquake finally coming to swallow us whole.

14. That we’ll accidentally bump into the Flying Saucer’s wall of porcelain plates.

15. That our friends will leave us in one of the upstairs rooms of Earnestine & Hazel’s.

16. That we’ll lose our shoes at Music Fest and never go again.

17. That we’ll accidentally go on a Tinder date with a vegetarian.

18. That our doctor will finally call us and say, “I’m sorry, but you’ve developed an allergy to pork.”