1. You’re currently in a customs line that’ll take you over an hour to get through.
2. The lack of PDA is noticeable. You’re seeing some hand-holding but not one person on the street is wrapped around someone else in a passionate embrace and/or deep makeout session.
3. Condiments are everywhere. There’s not a dry sandwich in the house.
4. You don’t have to pay to pee anymore. Restrooms are free, contain a singular toilet — WITH a toilet seat — and offer just one flushing option.
5. There’s so much coddling. You remember watching a baby crawl on the ground in Germany, eating dirt while the mother calmly looked on. That baby’s 2-year-old brother was riding around on a bicycle without training wheels.
6. FINALLY, EVERYONE ELSE IS AS LOUD AS YOU ARE!
7. Public transportation is neither consistent, cheap, nor clean.
8. Everyone is complaining about EVERYTHING.
9. Beer is so expensive you’d think it was the last remaining nutrient source.
10. Produce is pricey too — even the stuff that we grow here. All those chemical enhancements and genetic modifications aren’t going to pay for themselves!
11. The current presidential race is frightening rather than hilarious, the way it is in other countries.
12. Ice is a thing again and it’s everywhere. Even in your coffee.
13. The SUVs and other vehicles are big enough to haul around a good portion of a soccer team. Just kidding, what’s soccer?
14. Everyone is so. damn. sensitive. So they showed a boob on TV? Cool your jets, people!
15. Lines are actually lines. Not mobs.
16. You realize that everything is so freaking new. Even in Boston, where America is about as old as it gets, the buildings are only slightly more than 200 years old.
17. Your “food” now consists of 20 unpronounceable ingredients instead of 2 or 3 natural ones.
18. You are now judged for drinking before noon.