18 Superpowers You Have if You’re From Memphis
1. You can tell the difference between a parking attendant and a “parking attendant.”
2. You’re pretty damn good at jumping over train cars on Southern Avenue.
3. You can do anything with a beer in your hand: mow the lawn, steer a boat, shoot a free throw, shred on your Gibson.
4. You have the ability to hold a really strong grudge… for. ev. er. And it’s all thanks to you, John Calipari.
5. You have an unusually high tolerance of ‘weird’ that’s strengthened by Prince Mongo’s mayoral campaigns and Saturday nights at Raiford’s.
6. You can name every single famous and not-so-famous, they were in that thing once person to ever come out of the Bluff City.
7. You know more about pork than most people could ever hope to learn.
8. You were blessed with a gut that can hold up to grease and oil better than an army tank.
9. You have a superhuman ability to make friends ANYWHERE you go.
10. You’re able to sweet-talk your way into almost anywhere. Thanks for the training, BBQ Fest.
11. After almost 20 years you can still rap every lyric to Three 6 Mafia’s Chapter 2: World Domination album.
12. You can deliver anything, to anywhere in the world, faster than anyone else.
13. Thanks to that Mighty Missipp’ you always know your cardinal directions.
14. You’ve also never had a problem making sense of north on East Parkway South or west on South Parkway East
15. You can do things with a straw and a toothpick that no ordinary person can do — inside Huey’s or out.
16. You have the ability to withstand life-threatening, unearthly hot temperatures.
17. You’ve avoided Graceland this long! No mere out-of-towner can say that!
18. No one, I repeat, NO ONE can clear out a grocery store the way you can upon hearing the word “snow.”