Photo: moderndest/Shutterstock

20 Absurd Things That Happen When You Move to Boston

Student Work
by Ashley Smith Feb 2, 2016

1. You’ve had to swerve out of the way of the giant zipper that was opening up the highway. Was that real life?

2. You will come to a 6-way stop at an intersection. Twenty minutes later you’re still waiting for someone to let you go.

3. No matter what state you’re from, if you’re from south of the Mason-Dixon line, everyone assumes “Sweet Home Alabama” is your jam and they get really excited for you whenever it comes on.

4. Your inner theme song is: ‘Round and ’round the rotary you go. Where you’ll get off, nobody knows.

5. Wild Turkey no longer means bourbon to you. It now means you’re going to be late for work because there is a flock of gigantic gobbling birds in the street trying to mate.

6. You make the dire mistake of saying “y’all” in public. Records skip. Plates crash to the ground. People begin to question you as though you’ve come from an exotic foreign land.

7. Learning to drive in the snow has been reminiscent of learning to walk for the first time. (“Stop pressuring me!”)

8. You start stocking your beer outside in a snow bank, instead of in the refrigerator.

9. Your boss mentions that he needs to get his wife a “birthday cahd” and for a second you think he’s talking about fish.

10. You realize that you’re not able to pronounce ANYTHING on the map.

11. Your nightmares consist of a continuous loop of “Sweet Caroline” and “Don’t Stop Believing.”

12. You’ve started experiencing new and interesting bodily sensations — like when your nose hairs freeze.

13. You’re utterly floored the first time your boss expects you to show up the morning after a 4-foot snowfall.

14. You’ve found yourself asking, “Who is Jimmy and what does he have to do with my ice cream?”

15. You learn the hard way that driving on the shoulder is legal.

16. You’ve accepted that 40 °F is apparently still shorts and flip-flops weather.

17. You question whether or not you’re the only one who sees how ugly Uggs are.

18. You’ve stood on the Boston Common, seriously mesmerized by the glowing trees and their fall colors.

19. People back home talk about how much you’ve changed because you eat steamers now and gut crabs.

20. Without even trying the words “wicked” and “packie” have become a staple in your vocabulary.

Discover Matador