- “This was not worth the flight.”
- “I’d like to say I’ve been to every country in the world, but there are about 30 I have no desire to actually be in.”
- “I really just want to sleep in today.”
- “Wow, they always tell you how great the outdoors are, but they always fail to mention the bugs.”
- “God, I hope someone else drops the chopsticks for a fork before me.”
- “Is every Australian in their 20’s on a gap year right now?”
- “How long till I can start drinking?”
- “If I had a time machine, I’d find the guy who invented dorm style hostel rooms and murder him on a toilet before he had a chance to spread his evil out into the world.”
- “This looked way cooler when Bourdain did it.”
- “I wish body odor was a universal cultural taboo.”
- “Shoulda gone with the all-inclusive.”
- “I don’t care if it’s unethical, I wanna pet a goddamn tiger.”
- “Ugh, I can’t believe I have to pretend to like this food.”
- “I’m pretty sure they speak English and are just pretending not to.”
- “Wow, we do this so much better back home.”
- “I’m just doing this day trip to the Taj Mahal for the Facebook profile pic.”
- “I wonder if they’ll understand me better if I keep speaking English, but speak it in an offensive approximation of their accent.”
- “WHO NEEDS TO BE REMINDED THAT MANY TIMES TO MIND THE GAP?”
- “God help me, I do not get why the Mona Lisa is a thing people care about.”
- “If I wasn’t sure it would get me arrested, I would absolutely be a pain in the ass for this TSA agent.”
- “This food’s gonna be rough on the way back out.”
- “Street food? How can I say no to introducing 147 new parasites into my system?”
- “If I don’t see a single lion on this entire goddamn safari, I’m docking this company a star on Yelp and blaming it on ‘bad service.’”
- “Really? More ruins? Did we ever think there might be a reason the original inhabitants abandoned this shithole in the first place?”
- “Oh good, another ‘cultural experience’ that’s going to make me sound super pretentious at dinner parties.”
- “Oh thank god, another American.”
- “Annnnd yep: it’s decided. I’m never going to a country where durian is a thing ever again.”
- “This exchange rate is killing me. Can’t every country just get on the dollar?”
- “Oh right, I totally forgot about how little I care about art.”
- “Eh. That Wall’s not that Great.”
- “God, I could eat some KFC right now.”
- “Please don’t rob me. Please don’t rob me. Please don’t rob me.”
- “If I have to die in a plane crash, it better be on the return flight.”
- “‘Yes,’ ‘No,’ ‘Thank you’ and ‘Beer, please,’ are literally the only new foreign words I plan on learning during this trip.”
- “I’m gonna be so pissed if I die in a fucking rickshaw.”
35 Things Every Traveler Thinks but Doesn't Want to Say Out Loud
by
Matt Hershberger
Mar 20, 2015