1. “This was not worth the flight.”
  2. “I’d like to say I’ve been to every country in the world, but there are about 30 I have no desire to actually be in.”
  3. “I really just want to sleep in today.”
  4. “Wow, they always tell you how great the outdoors are, but they always fail to mention the bugs.”
  5. “God, I hope someone else drops the chopsticks for a fork before me.”
  6. “Is every Australian in their 20’s on a gap year right now?”
  7. “How long till I can start drinking?”
  8. “If I had a time machine, I’d find the guy who invented dorm style hostel rooms and murder him on a toilet before he had a chance to spread his evil out into the world.”
  9. “This looked way cooler when Bourdain did it.”
  10. “I wish body odor was a universal cultural taboo.”
  11. “Shoulda gone with the all-inclusive.”
  12. “I don’t care if it’s unethical, I wanna pet a goddamn tiger.”
  13. “Ugh, I can’t believe I have to pretend to like this food.”
  14. “I’m pretty sure they speak English and are just pretending not to.”
  15. “Wow, we do this so much better back home.”
  16. “I’m just doing this day trip to the Taj Mahal for the Facebook profile pic.”
  17. “I wonder if they’ll understand me better if I keep speaking English, but speak it in an offensive approximation of their accent.”
  19. “God help me, I do not get why the Mona Lisa is a thing people care about.”
  20. “If I wasn’t sure it would get me arrested, I would absolutely be a pain in the ass for this TSA agent.”
  21. “This food’s gonna be rough on the way back out.”
  22. “Street food? How can I say no to introducing 147 new parasites into my system?”
  23. “If I don’t see a single lion on this entire goddamn safari, I’m docking this company a star on Yelp and blaming it on ‘bad service.’”
  24. “Really? More ruins? Did we ever think there might be a reason the original inhabitants abandoned this shithole in the first place?”
  25. “Oh good, another ‘cultural experience’ that’s going to make me sound super pretentious at dinner parties.”
  26. “Oh thank god, another American.”
  27. “Annnnd yep: it’s decided. I’m never going to a country where durian is a thing ever again.”
  28. “This exchange rate is killing me. Can’t every country just get on the dollar?”
  29. “Oh right, I totally forgot about how little I care about art.”
  30. “Eh. That Wall’s not that Great.”
  31. “God, I could eat some KFC right now.”
  32. “Please don’t rob me. Please don’t rob me. Please don’t rob me.”
  33. “If I have to die in a plane crash, it better be on the return flight.”
  34. “‘Yes,’ ‘No,’ ‘Thank you’ and ‘Beer, please,’ are literally the only new foreign words I plan on learning during this trip.”
  35. “I’m gonna be so pissed if I die in a fucking rickshaw.”