1. We do a lot of emotional labour.
Part of the reason this doesn’t get talked about that much is because many women don’t identify what they do as “emotional labour”. Read through this now iconic Metafilter thread to understand it in depth, but in short: emotional labour is the unseen, unpaid work of sympathetically listening and asking unreciprocated questions (even from guys we’ve never met before), making the doctor’s appointments, writing the thank you letters, and quietly wrangling the social situations so that everyone is comfortable. The sublime Mallory Ortberg tweeted “every single party where women listen interestedly to men is an extended piece of performance art, and men have NO IDEA”; not only I, but every straight woman I’ve spoken to, has experienced exactly this on any number of first dates. In fact, I consider it a resounding success when a guy I go out on a date with asks me ONE question during the course of the date, even if it’s just answering a question I ask him and then saying “…and what about you?” This unrecognized “third shift” can get exhausting, and not only do we do a lot of it, but we also have to prove that we do it, argue about why we do it, and put up with listening to arguments about why that kind of work should just be part of interacting with other people (weird how men don’t really do it, then) — all of which is yet more emotional labour. Also, guys, reassuring you that YOU’RE not like that when we talk about how all men do this? More emotional labour.