Photo: Farknot Architect/Shutterstock

What Cooks Actually Think of Your Lunch Order

by Gabrielle Balestrier Jan 2, 2015

YOU MIGHT THINK you’re just grabbing a quick bite on your lunch break, but you’re actually giving us a reason to make a snap judgment about you. Here’s what a line cook thinks about your orders during the rush.

Cheeseburger with all the fixins – You’re going to need a nap after this. Good luck getting any work done later. If you get a double, you might as well not go back to the office at all.

Tomato soup & grilled cheese – You’re a kindergarten teacher who spends too much time thinking about coloring books and the ABCs.

A side salad – You’re probably dining with your boss, and didn’t feel the meatball sub that you actually wanted to order would make the best impression.

The veggie burger – Kudos to you for trying to be healthy by ordering this oxymoron, but please don’t send it back when you’re disappointed that it doesn’t taste like a real burger.

The French dip – You took the fifteen hints your girlfriend gave you to heart, and ordered the sandwich she really wanted to taste.

Italian sub with banana peppers – You didn’t take the numerous hints your girlfriend gave you, and ordered what you wanted instead. Totally worth it.

BBQ wings – Let’s hope you don’t have any afternoon meetings. We’re not sure how your clients will feel about the red stains on your cheeks, and hands, and shirt, and pants.

Beer – Whether the end of a long week or starting the weekend early, you are just celebrating the fact that you won’t be going back to work after this “meal.”

Turkey sandwich topped with stuffing, gravy, and cranberry sauce – No one has to tell you what the best part of the holiday season is. Leftovers!

Spinach salad, dressing on the side – Are those fries you keep stealing off your friend’s plate a part of your diet, too? Because we are pretty sure ordering the salad doesn’t count unless you actually eat it.

Meatloaf – Please, tell us again how your mom makes it better.

Ham sandwich on white bread – It seems like you could have made this one at home and eaten it at your desk, but we will prepare it since you are paying.

Sushi and sake – Your order is as high end as your job, and you will prove it by always using your chopsticks and paying the entire bill when it comes.

Grilled salmon, brown rice, and broccoli – Since you keep talking about how you get up at 5:30 every day for a workout, it only makes sense that your lunch is as intense as you.

Taco salad – We get it, ordering a salad sounds better than ordering a burrito. But, just so you know, they are one and the same. Especially after you add extra cheese, ground beef, sour cream, and guacamole.

Tuna salad sandwich – Apparently, you don’t want your colleagues to invite you to join them again tomorrow.

Hot buttered lobster roll – Lunch is the perfect time to combine your love for fancy food and sandwiches. Everyone wins. Except, of course, your wallet.

One slice of plain pizza – You’re a college student, it’s almost summer break, and you are out of money on your meal plan. You could do a lot worse than pizza for every meal, though.

Pastrami on rye with spicy mustard – We will find your New York accent charming, and your attitude about the fact that it doesn’t compare to sandwiches from the delis back home, annoying.

All you can eat pasta – You can stretch a dollar and you never miss a good deal. We will see you on Dollar Taco Tuesday and Ten Cent Wing Wednesday, too.

Poutine – You don’t mess around. If you add a fried egg to this meal, you might even get a standing ovation.

Bacon fried rice – Apparently the bacon, egg, and cheese you finished for breakfast didn’t quite get rid of that hang over.

Nachos – Normally, ordering a starter for your meal means you will be hungry a couple hours later, but the cheesy, topping-heavy nachos put all other appetizers to shame. And you know it.

Hot Dog – You’ll order this at a corner stand in between meetings and it will taste so good that it will almost make the regret you feel later worth it.

Cheese, wine, and baguette – You embrace the European in you. You’ll probably follow the meal with an espresso and a cigarette.

Fish and chips – You’re torn between your craving for seafood and your strict budget. Sorry, but this won’t satisfy either.

Smoked brisket, macaroni and cheese, and a hot roll – You’ll forget about the fact that this is enough food to satisfy most people for three meals, and you’ll order banana pudding for dessert.

Egg salad – You didn’t like anything on the menu, anyway. This will make good leftovers for your dog.

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