Human zombies, old people, Disney, beaches, humidity that turns your butthole into marshland every time you step outside — we’ve all got our notions of Florida, and chances are they’re all accurate. But that doesn’t mean Floridians like to hear about them.
I don’t even like Florida — I moved 2,000 miles away to the freezing-cold high desert to get away from it. But I’m still from there, and I still go there, and it still wells me up with all the wrath of a bath-salt junkie when people do these things.