1. It’s October and Thanksgiving is still a month and a half away. When are you supposed to get your turkey fix?
2. Autocorrect in your phone keeps telling you words like “honour” and “odour” are spelled wrong.
3. You press two and are surprised to hear Spanish, not French.
4. The stuff they call maple syrup is actually some corn-based concoction and nobody knows what you mean when you ask for “the real stuff”.
5. You can’t just call for a national election, apparently? They happen in specific years, whether the President is doing a good job or not. Weird.
6. You’re surprised by how little tax you pay for the amount of money you earn. Look at this enormous paycheque! But, oh wait, that doesn’t include health care…oops.
7. The whole idea of Texas or California seceding and becoming independent nations doesn’t seem strange to you at all. Old news: Quebec’s been talking about it for years.
8. You appear almost comically polite. “You just stepped on my foot! Sorry.”
9. People laugh when you say “eh”.
10. People laugh when you say “about” and keep saying you’re pronouncing it “aboot”, when you’re quite obviously not.
11. People think you have the same accent as someone from Quebec…or worse, Newfoundland. Have they ever HEARD a Newfie?
12. You meet someone you like and agree to go on a date. You ask if they’d mind walking you home, and they say, “We’ll be totally safe, I have my gun.” Wait…they’re carrying a GUN? To DINNER?
13. There are so many states to keep track of, for a land mass that could fit inside the Prairies. What are all those ones in the middle? And where is Nebraska anyway?
14. Someone gives you a handful of change and it has pennies in it. Or worse, someone tells you the total amount of a bill and it’s something like $12.43. And they seriously expect you to produce three pennies to pay for it.
15. Nobody knows there’s another two time zones beyond the Eastern Standard. Which means nobody grew up hearing the news announced as being on at “6’oclock…or 6:30 in Newfoundland.”
16. People in northern states think it gets cold in the winter. That’s cute.
17. You want to make some comfort food and your partner stares at you blankly when you ask them to pick up some KD. When you explain what you want, you’re surprised to see the box actually does say “Kraft Macaroni and Cheese” instead of “Kraft Dinner”.
18. Americans seem to spend a lot of time playing baseball, and almost none ice skating. Their elementary schools often don’t even have hockey teams. I know, I couldn’t believe it either.
19. You go to a friend’s house for a dinner party. You automatically slip your shoes off and leave them by the door, and everyone stares at your sock feet.
20. You ask for a tea in a restaurant and they bring you sweetened iced tea instead of a pot of hot water and a nice selection of tea bags.
21. Everyone uses credit cards. Nobody uses debit cards. And the credit cards don’t even have chip and PIN security on them.
22. You ask the temperature, and someone says, “it’s 83 degrees.” WHAT IS THIS, THE SURFACE OF THE SUN?