How To Piss Off Someone From the Bronx
1. Say the Bronx is too far from “The City”.
Okay, first things first: The Bronx is a part of the city. New York City is made up of five boroughs. FIVE! Why do we have to keep having this conversation? Second: If you are a transplant living in Brooklyn and complaining, are you really going to act like the G and L are more reliable than the 4, D, 2, and 5 trains? Obviously, it all depends on where you choose to live but please actually do your research first. Using the word “downtown” instead might save you.
2. Make a negative remark about the Yankees.
Yes, we know they are cocky. Yes, we know we can now barely afford to watch a game in the new stadium. But talk smack about the Yankees and there’s going to be mad eye rolling and finger snapping coming at you. Bronxites become Google masters when it comes to dropping facts on why the Yankees are the best — cough, cough, 27 — so avoid this argument to stay on our good side.
3. Ask me if I’ve ever shot someone.
Dude. Have you?
4. Talk about jaywalking.
Like, what is that? No, seriously. We know it is a thing but do people actually walk to the crosswalk to cross the street every time? I mean, if it is right there (or if you are walking with children) then sure, but some of the Bronx’s blocks are super long and that just feels unnecessary — I’m talking about you, Grand Concourse. So if you are walking with a Bronx native and see them jaywalking, don’t question it. Just walk.
5. Publish articles about NYC and only refer to Manhattan and Brooklyn.
Okay… And Astoria. Do I really have to elaborate on this transplant annoyingness? Five boroughs, people. Five. Boroughs.
6. Violate our personal space.
Bronxites, and New Yorkers in general, like our personal space. As one of the most densely populated cities in the world, we’ve mastered how to stay out of each other’s way while maneuvering congested streets. Don’t be that guy who doesn’t know how close is too close. If you even have to question it, you’ve probably already crossed the line and just might get accidentally pushed over. Oops.
7. Hate on my shopping cart.
So apparently not everyone uses folding shopping carts to run their errands. Who knew? But just because you didn’t need a shopping cart in your suburban neighborhood, doesn’t mean you can hate on mine. Us Bronxites walk everywhere, and folding carts are a necessity for grocery shopping, doing laundry, and even moving. Call it a grandma cart and you just might receive death stares.
8. Saying “You don’t act like you’re from the Bronx”.
Oh, I’m sorry. What exactly is someone from the Bronx supposed to act like?
Ghetto? Violent? Ignorant? Or are you labeling us with perpetuated stereotypes? From Latino to Caribbean to African American, Italian, Jewish, and Asian, there is no one class, ethnicity, accent, or skin color to represent people from the Bronx. We have both street and book smarts, and despite the shit public education system, some of us even have college degrees — gasp!