YANQUI DE MIERDA GO HOME! VOLVETE AL PAIS DE LOS OBESOS MORBIDOS.
That was the all-caps-lock love letter I received a few years ago after mentioning I wasn’t fond of Argentine pizza. Note to self: if you fuck with Argies and their pizza, they take it personally and may threaten your life.
Sorry Porteños, you will probably hate me and discredit anything I have to say since I know many of you think you have the best piksa in the world, but it’s much more common to find bad pizza in this city. I’m talking about all those Pizzerias los Hijos de Puta, serving an abundant layer of cheap plastic queso that never seems to properly melt, flimsy can’t-get-it-up cardboard crust, Olympic pools of oil, dried oregano-sprinkled canned tomato “sauce” CONSERVATIVELY spread atop, and a skimpy selection of stupid toppings (yeah… I’m looking at YOU palmitos, salsa golf, huevo duro and ham rubber).
Fortunately, my hatred for the local corte has calmed, I’m able to accept Argentine style pizza in all its cheesy glory, and will honor a good pizza when merit is due. So, after lots of strenuous research, eating, crying, and lactose intolerant-induced stomach aches, I came up with a totally biased guide to my best pizza in Buenos Aires.
1. SIAMO NEL FORNO — Costa Rica 5886, Palermo Hollywood
The pizzeria lowdown: I’d be a happier person if I ate Siamo Nel Forno at least once a week. This is true Neapolitan style pizza, with the certification to prove it. The space is homey, rustic, informal and the star of the room is the wood fire oven that blisters and scorches the beautiful pie a la vista.
All about the pizza: Super light fluffy dough, cooked for less than two minutes in the XXXhotXXX oven, and topped with fresh ingredients and great tomato sauce. I always order the Margherita — it’s a joy to eat and really never fails me. Ask for the spicy chili oil, and order with beer or wine depending what strikes your boozy liver.
2. ALBAMONTE — Av. Corrientes 6735, Chacarita
The pizzeria lowdown: It’s Chacarita’s bodegón pride and joy. Sometimes we all need that go-to family joint for good old fashioned Argentine comfort food. The menu is quite traditional — pastas, gramajo, tortillas, parrilla, milanesas, etc., and while most of the diners order the pizza as an appetizer before moving on to a main dish, I’m a strong proponent of making it the star of the show.
All about the pizza: Super thin crust, smothered in tomato sauce (ask for extra), and not drowning in prison cheese. Hot fatty tip: if you live in the barrio, pick up the pizza to go, bring it home, stick it under the broiler, and in a few minutes you have the provoleta-like cheese topping crust of perfection.
3. GÜERRIN — Av. Corrientes 1368, Centro
The pizzeria lowdown: The most popular pizzeria in the heart of Corrientes theater mania, Güerrin is arguably the city’s most beloved pizzeria. It even has a Wikipedia page. Pizza Fact: The wood fire oven hasn’t been turned off since 1932.
All about the pizza: I have a hate-love relationship with this pizza al molde. It’s definitely an Argentine style thick slice, but it’s where to go to get a dose of total porteña-ness: NAPOLITANA, eaten while standing and washed down with moscato.
4. LA MAS QUERIDA — Echeverría 1618, Belgrano
The pizzeria lowdown: Pizza on the grill should replace thick crust as the national pizza dish. I have such mad love for pizza a la parrilla, and even more love for my beloved La Más Querida. The small spot feels like a little restaurant hideaway in some beach town. Buby Van Asperen, a self proclaimed ex-hippie and master at sporting a Hawaiian shirt, opened La Más Querida in 2005 to bring a quality pizza a la parrilla with fun toppings.
All about the pizza: Super thin crust, piled with great toppings: artichokes, gruyere cheese, mushrooms, onions, brie, pesto, roasted vegetables and más. It even comes with spicy dipping sauces on the side.
5. LA MEZZETTA — Av. Álvarez Thomas 1321, Chacarita / Villa Ortuzar
The pizzeria lowdown: Something about this dirty hole in the wall that brings both disgust and joy to my heart at the same time. It’s a classic standing room only space filled with an eclectic crew of all ages and incomes. I once saw a pizzero cleaning up trash with his bare hands before rolling empanada dough, but that only gives the masa more flavor.
All about the pizza: F-U-G-A-Z-Z-E-T-A! Argentina has the Cataratas del Iguazú, and Chacarita has the Cataratas de La Mezzetta, THE place to go for a greasy cheesy hangover fugazzeta cure. I channel my yearning for brunching on diner food and instead go for the second best: a dangerous slice of cheesyonion glooping fugazzeta.
6. MONZÚ PIZZERIA BAR — José Antonio Cabrera 3975, Palermo
The pizzeria lowdown: The Venezuelan-owned pizzeria known for stuffed crust and creative topping combos is pretty much the best thing that happened to the other side of Scalabrini Ortiz.
All about the pizza: Dreams of papa aioli or albondigas and albahaca, Monzú has you covered. Hot tip: sometimes you may be surprised with chorizo inside the crust.
7. PIZZERIA FERREIRO — Gallardo, Av. 1001, Caballito
The pizzeria lowdown: A total barrio dive that’s been around for what seems like forever. It’s probably the best pizzeria in the ‘hood with a classic bodegón vibe. Ferreiro does delivery, but it’s much more recommendable to scarf pizza + beers in house.
All about the pizza: Pizza a la Piedra, yo! On GuíaOleo, some trusty reviewers said it was malo because: “La pizza a la piedra es una tapa de pan arabe tostado, de las peores pizzas que comí” “casi no se ve de tan finita que es. Para lo que cobran, debería ser mucho mas suculenta. Nunca vi una pizza tan fina. No vuelvo.” Thin crust pizza, you say?! I’m in! And it’s a good crust, solid cheese and has that perfect crispy bite that still doesn’t fall apart.
8. 1893 Pizzeria — Scalabrini Ortiz 701, Villa Crespo
The pizzeria lowdown: A pioneer in the pizza a la parrilla world in Buenos Aires, Danilo Ferraz opened 1893 in 1994, and named it after the year his casona on Scalabrini Ortiz y Loyola was built. 1893 is the older sister of the popular pizzeria mini-chain Morelia, although you’ll almost always find Danilo behind the grill at this Villa Crespo corner.
All about the pizza: It’s a rectangular or half moon ultra thin cracker crust, topped with tomato sauce and cheese, and then grilled quickly on the parrilla. 1893 also plays with fancy toppings: smoked meats, pickled vegetables, and even has a Roner to sous vide ingredients.
Honorable Mention: El Cuartito for history factor, Palacio de la Pizza because it’s the pizza palace, La Guitarrita for the Nuñez folk, Pin Pun because it’s a few blocks from my house, Angelín for its lots-of-sauce-and-no-cheese pizza canchera, and La Locanda for whenever pizza is on the menu.
This article was originally published on Pick up the Fork and is republished here with permission.