THESE DISHES are some of those not worth giving up. (Sorry, heart.)
Foie gras donuts
Separately, these two food products are both artery-clogging (and delicious) enough. Together, you’ve got a dish that only a restaurant aptly named “Do or Dine” would have the balls to serve.
This Brooklyn joint came under fire last summer for their dessert – foie gras has long been protested for the cruel methods used to produce it.
Officially my favorite street food of all time, and that’s a tough list to top. Acarajé can be found in Nigeria, Ghana, Benin, and most famously in Salvador, Brazil. The dough is made from peeled black-eyed peas, formed into balls, and deep fried in dendê (palm) oil, which is extremely high in saturated fat. The balls are split in half and stuffed with vatapá and caruru, two different pastes made with ground-up bread, shrimp, coconut milk, peanuts or cashews, okra, and more palm oil. Top with chopped green tomatoes, pimenta, and fried shrimp, and you’re good to go.
If you’re having this awesomeness in Salvador, might as well seal your heart’s fate. Have a little queijo coalho (grilled firm cheese on a stick) with molasses on the side. For dessert, quindim – a custard made entirely of egg yolks, sugar, and coconut milk.
Similar to queijo coalho is saganaki, which is technically the name of a type of frying pan in Greece, and is also the name of many dishes cooked in said pan. The most popular is an appetizer dish of pan-seared cheese, such as feta, kasseri, or halloumi. The cheese is melted, topped with pepper and lemon juice, and served with bread.
What could be better for your arteries than a dessert literally created to fatten people up before Lent? Semlor is a wheat bun filled with almond paste and whipped cream. The top of the bun sits atop the mound of creamy, fatty heaven, dusted with powdered sugar for good measure.
Step one: french fry base. Step two: sauteed steak and onions. Step three: fried egg. In Chile, you can get a few different variations with these ingredients, such as the bife a lo pobre (steak isn’t sliced, served with fries on the side).
A Canadian classic. French fries, cheese curds, and brown gravy make up the basic dish, although variations are common. If that doesn’t start your left arm aching, try it like they do in Newfoundland, with dressing (turkey stuffing). Or with lobster meat, hollandaise sauce, and halloumi cheese, ala Nova Scotia. Or with caviar and truffles, or duck confit, or hell, chocolate mousse. Go for broke. Healthcare’s free, right?
Deep fried craziness
The Texas state fair is an ideal place to go to die, if you want to check out with so much grease oozing from your pores you shoot right out of the coroner’s bag. Choose your weapon:
- Deep fried bubblegum (gum-flavored marshmallows battered, fried, and covered in icing and powdered sugar)
- Deep fried salsa (pico de gallo rolled up, dipped in masa, covered in tortilla chips, deep fried, and served with queso)
- Deep fried buffalo chicken in a flapjack (what it sounds like)
- Deep fried butter (frozen whipped butter battered and fried)
- Deep fried coke (frozen coke-flavored batter, fried, topped with coke syrup, whipped cream, cinnamon sugar, and a nice healthy cherry)
Scotland gets a runner-up ribbon for their deep-fried Mars bar.
As with poutine, a burger’s health-o-meter can spin into the red zone with certain additions and/or treatments. Take Belgian’s Bicky Burger – the patty is a mix of chicken, pork, and horse meat, which is deep fried, topped with three sauces, crispy onions, and pickles, and served with fries and mayo.
Or the Beefburger at Craigie on Main, which includes bone marrow and dehydrated miso.
Or the Apocalypse Now Burger at Nosh Kitchen Bar in Portland, Maine – a pork/beef patty topped with American cheese, pork belly, bacon, foie gras, mayo, and cherry jam, all served on a buttered brioche bun.
Hell, just throw some bacon, pepperoni, hot dogs, and a few pork loins on there. Oh wait, someone already did.
It’s the thing to eat at AutoZone park, but plenty of Memphis restaurants have figured out that the combination of BBQ and nacho cheese is nothing short of glorious. Chips, pulled pork, smoky sweet sauce, melted cheese, and a light sprinkling of jalapenos to help the heartburn along.
If there’s a recurring trend in this article, I’d say it’s either “pork” or “fried.” So it’s only natural that fried pork make the list. Bagnet is a dish that originated in the Philippines that involves taking pork belly, boiling it with salt and pepper for several hours, and deep frying it.
Oh hey, look. Pork. I’ve never been to Berlin, but have been told the scent of curry powder thickens the air, bridges are constructed of sausages, and the ketchup flows like water. Add a side of fries, because I mean, why not.
For the last one, let’s give the pigs a break.
Bird stuffed with bird stuffed with bird
Turducken might be the first dish that comes to mind – that would be a turkey stuffed with a duck that’s stuffed with a chicken – but birds have been dealing with this shit for centuries.
Perhaps the grandaddy of them all is French gastronomist Grimod de la Reyniére’s recipe for “Rôti Sans Pareil” (roast without equal), which reads like a dish the Mad Hatter might serve: bustard stuffed with turkey, stuffed with goose, stuffed with pheasant, stuffed with chicken, stuffed with duck, stuffed with guinea fowl, stuffed with teal, stuffed with woodcock, stuffed with partridge, stuffed with plover, stuffed with lapwing (Lewis Carroll did not invent these words, I swear), stuffed with quail, stuffed with thrush, stuffed with lark, stuffed with ortolan bunting, stuffed with garden warbler.
Alternate name for this dish: Kill All The Birds.