A little cheese with that whine, sir?

Photo: Cleavers, Feature Photo: mulmatsherm

CNN recently published an article titled 7 Reasons to Lose the Booze in Flight. Some of the points make a lot of sense, like that being intoxicated may be a problem in case of an emergency. Other issues, like “it’s embarrassing,” seem easily rectifiable. For example, stop drinking.
So here’s a list from the other side of the beer mug, six reasons to keep the booze in flight.

1. Booze helps to strike up a conversation. Rejoice in the boozey camaraderie of your neighbours, clink those glasses, and share stories of your journeys.
Someone’s kid is screaming like a banshee, and if you can’t drown out the noise you may punch someone in the face. Two glasses of wine later, the scream turns into an adorable drone. You turn to the parents with a toothy grin and say, “Yer baby is sooooprecious.”

2. Alcohol will help you relax. Some people take powerful relaxants before stepping onto a plane, is that really worse than having a drink or two? I once saw a woman devour a large shopping bag of candy in an effort to deal with her anxiety mid-flight. I’ll take a cold beer instead, thanks.

3. Your chances of joining the mile high club will increase significantly. Get the cute girl or guy next to you liquored up, and then invite them to get all airborne up in your business.

Photo: Andres Rueda

Nothing screams romance like bumping uglies over a toilet seat. Remember, be sure he or she is into it. Otherwise the rest of the flight will be a tad awkward.

4. It’s easier to start a spontaneous airplane sing-a-long. Start singing and have the whole plane join in. If the folks from Improv Everywhere can do it in a grocery store, you can do it in the aisle of a Boeing 757.

5. The cramped space, lack of good food and neighbour B.O. all become more tolerable with each drink. Enough said.

6. It’s a great way to kick-start a vacation. Your holiday begins as soon as you step onto the plane and leave the office behind. You owe it to yourself to tip back a glass of wine and enjoy the perks of having no responsibilities, even if it’s just for a few days.

If booze in-flight is really such a big problem for so many people, airlines should enforce tighter alcohol regulations. If someone is leaning into the aisle and up-chucking their bag of peanuts, cut them off.

The thing is, most people know how to have a good time without being drunken idiots. Like Omri Ceren points out in his Vagabondish article, “…folks have to live and let live.” As long as the pilot isn’t drunk, right?