21 reasons you should never visit Cleveland
1. The downtown is totally dead.
2. A pub that only serves hot dogs, tater tots, and beer? No thanks.
3. The Midwest is just too traditional.
4. Sorry. Live music isn’t really your thing.
5. Who wants to drink a full liter of beer?
6. Whiskey Island sounds like a boring place.
7. What’s the point in local coffee shops? Instant coffee’s all you need.
8. This doesn’t look fun at all.
9. Who wants to play NBA Jam at a bar?
10. There are no nice restaurants here.
11. You’re more of a Miller Lite person.
12. It’s too urban. Where’s the nature?
13. Sports just aren’t for you.
14. You don’t like to be overwhelmed while shopping.
15. Margarita flights? Eh.
16. The theater is a snore.
17. Lake Erie is gross.
18. The biggest outdoor chandelier in the world doesn’t impress you.
19. Seeing one of the “Big Five” orchestras isn’t high on your list.
20. There’s nothing for your kids to do.
21. You’d prefer to buy TV dinners at the supermarket.
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