1. There’s not enough Jack and Coke in the world to get your ass on Honky Tonk Highway… Unless it’s to people watch all the tourists sporting diamond studded cowboy hats and rhinestone belts, stampeding into all of the buy-one-get-one boot shops.
2. You’ve been to the Jack Daniel’s Distillery to cure a hangover.
3. Yayo’s O.M.G. has forever ruined all other food trucks for you.
4. You’ve finally mastered the correct pronunciation of Demonbreun.
5. You’ve bought a $2 beer from Santa at his pub.
6. You create false identities for yourself because you know you’ll never see anyone you meet ever again, but in the process you’ve begun to encounter people who are, surprisingly, Nashville natives.
7. Those Pedal Taverns slammed with drunk bachelorette parties have become the bane of your existence.
8. You’ve begun to consider the life-size plastic statues of the Simpsons at B Side Salon your greatest confidantes.
9. The term ‘Trailer Trash’ has taken on a whole different meaning as a creamy concoction of Vanilla blended with Twix, Oreo, Snickers, Butterfinger, Nestle Crunch, M&Ms, and Reese’s Pieces.
10. You go to Nashville’s Farmer’s Market solely for the hot sauces.
11. A meat and three from Arnold’s makes up a substantial portion of your food pyramid.
12. You’ve sipped red wine straight from the barrels at Château Ross in Ross’ basement with his dachshund Rachel.
13. You’ve finally figured out that the same, long road you take to work goes by five different names.
14. There’s really nothing you can think of that wouldn’t taste significantly better with a fried egg on top.
15. You or someone you know works on the set of Nashville. But you’ve never actually seen an episode.
16. You don’t get paid enough to buy a cup of coffee from the coffee shop that you work at.
17. You’re willing to battle your way through East Nashville’s sea of hipsters for some cactus chorizo tacos from Mas Tacos Por Favor.
18. When traveling elsewhere, you can’t comprehend the fact that people have to pay to hear live music.
19. You’ve stopped trying to explain to outsiders that no, you don’t own a cowboy hat and no, you haven’t written any country songs about the dirt road you never grew up on.
20. You’d rather eat caribbean sweet cornbread dusted with coconut from Calypso Cafe than suffer through a basket of hot chicken from Hattie B’s or Prince’s Hot Chicken Shack.
21.…And you get some weird, sadistic pleasure when ignorant tourists realize their tastebuds aren’t shit after having a bite of Shut the Cluck Up.
22. You know that Grimey’s New & Preloved Music is the place for a vinyl junkie looking for an independent record store fix.
23. You know and can explain in detail what OHB is.
24. Brain freezes are gladly welcomed with a sour grape and gummies snow cone from Retro Sno.
25. Looking down in an alley, you find guitar picks instead of pennies.
26. Religiously spending time on Church Street means religiously spending time at gay bars.
27. With pepper jack, organic pulled chicken, buffalo sauce, pickled celery, and blue cheese aioli slammed between two slices of sourdough bread, The Grilled Cheeserie gourmet food truck has officially redefined your expectations of a grilled cheese sandwich.
28. Even when confronted with the rudest of folks, you grit your teeth and carry on because it’s Nashville and you have fucking Southern hospitality.