1. You lose count of how many times you have to hear, “So where in South America is Portugal?”
2. Your friends invite you out for breakfast and you see the surprised look on the waiter’s face (and theirs) when you ask: “What is a Portuguese sausage?”
3. It’s Christmas evening and as dinner is served you wonder, frustrated and a bit sad, who the genius is who forgot to buy cod, cabbages, and potatoes.
4. As you arrive to the club, you wonder why everyone is going home. It’s only 2 am, so surely the dance floor has not even opened yet!
5. At the beach, you take your bikini top off — laying down and facing down — and by the looks on everyone’s face, you wonder: “Am I doing something wrong?”
6. You’re confused by the shocked look on your friends’ faces as you roast a pepper over the stove, directly on the flames, or when you fill up of a plate with rubbing alcohol, roast a chorizo in it and then offer them some.
7. After your friends lend you a car to go exploring, the first thing you do is drive to the “Portuguese bend.”
8. After a few weeks of eating bread, you feel a strange need of following the footsteps of your forefathers in the bread-making traditions.
9. The clocks struck midnight on Christmas evening, you are crushed to learn you cannot open your presents until morning… “But it’s past midnight!” does not seem to work here.
10. You are introduced to a friend’s friend and as you politely get up to greet him, give him two kisses on the cheeks and sit back down, you wonder why he looks so happy.
11. You walk into your friends’ house, head to the kitchen and wonder, based on its ridiculous size, if you could live inside their fridge.
12. You have a panic attack when you have to drive on a 6-lane motorway.
13. You feel compelled to make a sign to pin on your shirt: “No, I do not speak Spanish.”
14. After being in a car for one hour, you ask the driver: “How far is that nearby restaurant again?”
15. You are certain the only part of the car which would fit in the streets of Lisbon is the driver seat.
16. At the restaurant, you feel extremely confused with all the salad dressing options! Don’t they know all you needed was olive oil and vinegar?
17. You keep going to the garden looking for a line to hang your wet clothes. Still can’t find one. Strange.
18. You really just want to ask for a café and a pastel de nata for breakfast, but somehow you always end up finding how large a large of portion of eggs and bacon, French toast, and pancakes can be.
19. You learn that what your American friends get as vacation time per YEAR is just what you consider a long weekend in Algarve!