LONG AGO, MAN LOOKED UP AT THE BIRDS in the sky and thought, “Someday, I’ll fly.” He invented wings of wax, then wings of wood, then strange bicycles with flapping canvas tarps affixed to flimsy bamboo frames, and he jumped off cliffs and sand dunes, hoping that his invention would be the one to finally take men into the skies. Usually, he died. But if there’s one thing that’s true about mankind, it’s that mankind can’t take a fucking hint, so man eventually, through sheer trial and error, through pure thick-headed persistence, finally took to the air. And he hasn’t looked back since.
It’s time to look back. Planes should be banned.