27 Signs You Learned To Drink in Finland
1. You plan your Saturdays around the fact that Alko closes at 6 pm.
2. All nights out must start with a salmarishotti (or 10).
3. All public holidays are just reasons to gulp down another bottle of bisse, kossu or leiska.
4. Kossu mixed with anything that you find in your fridge is still your favorite cocktail, even milk works just fine.
5. Kalsarikännit with friends are forever your favorite party memories.
6. The weekend is not enough for getting boozed up, so you need your pikkulauantai (little Saturday) on Wednesday nights to get smash-faced.
7. ‘OPM’ means you bring your own bottle to all parties and you don’t even consider sharing with someone. Because sharing isn’t caring.
8. You only consume alcohol for the purpose of getting fully wasted, there’s no in-between that you’re going for.
9. You only talk about your feelings when you’re drunk and you usually forget everything you shared the next day anyway.
10. When the sun finally shines and the weather is above freezing, it’s mandatory to go get bashed outdoors — terdekeli!
11. You have the supernatural skill of being able to speak fluent Swedish after 5 beers.
12. Saunakalja is the only way to relax after a long week at the office.
13. Alcohol is your solution to all life’s problems – elämä vituiks ja keittoo.
14. You believe that the people who enjoy a glass of fine wine with every meal are alcoholics — alcohol should be consumed in high volume but on rare occasions.
15. Your dagen efter always starts with a glass of tasottava to get you through the next day.
16. ‘Uuteen nousuun’ is your first sentence on a Saturday morning.
17. You can remember crying after your sixth pear cider as a teenager because ‘nobody loves you.’
18. Drinking itself is reason enough to host a party.
19. You know that those who don’t drink are either sick or pregnant — whatever the case may be, nobody likes party poopers.
20. Alcohol is one of the most important political issues to discuss — kielletään vittu kaikki.
21. When you turned 18, you started stealing vodka from your parents. You had already been stealing beer from them for years.
22. The only good thing that ever entered Finland from Russia is vodka.
23. Meille vai teille?’ (My place or yours?) is the pick-up line that makes your knees go weak.
24. As the summer gets closer, you take the ferry to Estonia to purchase enough cheap booze to last you through the warmer months.
25. You are fully aware of the Finnish KKK — kebabin kautta kotiin.
26. When the above is not enough, it’s time to indulge in some proper darramättö.
27. If you’re not having a hangover, that party doesn’t count!
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