1. This question: “But like, what is your dream job?”

Do you ask your dentist that during your teeth cleaning?

2. When you are trying to close and no one gets the hint.

3. When a glass breaks near your ice bin.

You should totally burn your ice.

4. When you can tell the creepy regular is trying to work up the nerve to ask you out.

What can I pretend to clean at the opposite end of the bar?

5. When your ex brings their new date to your bar.

6. When there’s a line at the door twenty minutes before your brunch shift starts.

7. When you fuck up a drink recipe and realize the customer is watching you like a hawk.

8. When that creepy regular finally works up the nerve to ask you out.

9. Working on a three-day weekend when all the normals are out of town.

10. The moment you realize the Department of Health just walked in.

And it’s Saturday night. Shouldn’t they take weekends off?

11. When you have to entertain your co-worker’s annoying friends.

12. When people reach over the bar and grab garnishes from your tray.

That’s nasty.

13. When you finally have a chance to run to the bathroom.

All bars really should have an employee bathroom.

14. The one time everything shifts when you glance at your phone and your manager appears out of thin air.

15. When you wake up in the middle of the night from actual stress nightmares about bartending.