LONDON — home to a melting pot of chavs, toffs, and rude boys, all talking in slang and sarcasm. Just don’t say these to anyone in the tube or the lift (elevator) – because we don’t talk in those places. Seriously.

1. Londoners don’t say “Idiot”; we say “Wanker” (I can’t believe he’s dumped me! He’s such a wanker.)

2. Londoners don’t say “Friend” or “blood brother”; we say “Blud” (Oi blud!)

3. Londoners don’t say “Fall over”; we say “Arse-over-tit” (She went arse-over-tit.)

4. Londoners don’t say “Flirt”; we say “Chirps” (Let’s go chirps them gals.)

5. Londoners don’t say “A lot”; we say “Bare” (He’s got bare money innit.)

6. Londoners don’t say we’re “proud”; we say we’re “chuffed” (I’m so chuffed that William’s been accepted into Oxford University.)

7. Londoners don’t say “Funny”; we say “Jokes” (Imran is bare jokes man.)

8. Londoners don’t say “Boring”; we say “Dry” (That party was so dry man.)

9. Londoners don’t say “Nonsense”; we say “Bollocks” (Stop chatting bollocks.)

10. Londoners don’t say “The best of its kind”; we say “The dog’s bollocks” (That new pizza place is the dog’s bollocks.)

11. Londoners don’t say “Trainers” or “Sneakers”; we say “Crepes” (Where’d you buy them crepes from blud?)

12. Londoners don’t say “Attractive”; we say “Buff”, or “Peng” or “Fit” (She’s well fit.)

13. Londoners don’t say “Astonished”; we say “Gobsmacked” (When Brexit won, we were gobsmacked.)

14. Londoners don’t say “Extremely rich”; we say “Minted” (Woah, she’s proper minted.)

15. Londoners don’t say “Drunk”; we say “Pissed” (let’s go get pissed.)

16. Londoners don’t say “Making fun of something”; we say “Taking the piss” (Calm down, I’m just taking the piss.)

17. Londoners don’t say “Neighborhood”; we say “Ends” (He’s not from these ends.)

18. Londoners don’t say “Muscular”; we say “Hench” (Wow, he is bare hench.)

19. Londoners don’t say “Cool”; we say “Dench”…Or even “Judi Dench” (What a dench goal man, that was Judi Dench.)

20. Londoners don’t say “Toilet”; we say “Loo” (Excuse me, where’s the loo?)

21. Londoners don’t say “Have sex with”; we say “Shag” (I want to shag him.)

22. Londoners don’t say “White trash”; we say “Chav” (Ugh, she’s such a chav.)

23. Londoners don’t say “I can’t be bothered”; we say “I can’t be arsed” (I just can’t be arsed to go to work today.)

24. Londoners don’t say “Time-consuming”; we say “Long” or “Longting” (This coursework is such a longting, I just can’t be arsed.)

25. Londoners don’t say “Loser”; we say “Wasteman” or “Wastegal” (He still lives with his mum and he’s 40, he’s such a wasteman.)

26. Londoners don’t say “British Pound Sterling”; we say “Quid” (Can you lend me ten quid please?)

27. Londoners don’t say “Cigarettes”; we say “Fags” (I need to get a pack of fags.)

28. Londoners don’t say “Ass”; we say “Arse” (Mmmm, he has a nice arse.)

29. Londoners don’t say “French Fries”; we say “Chips” (Can I have a burger and chips please?)

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