Photo: Alexey Andr Tkachenko/Shutterstock

7 Ways to Humiliate Yourself as a Bartender

by Melissa Allen Jul 18, 2018

Humiliation is an essential part of everyday life, especially in jobs where you’re surrounded by an audience. Being behind the bar brings a host of potential hilarious mishaps. Here are seven ways bartenders humiliate themselves on the regular.

1. Being doused by a cocktail you’re shaking.

Occasionally, as you’re shaking cocktail tins, the tins will separate, dumping their contents all over your head. Oddly this tends to happen right when you’re chatting up cute bar customers. The universe has a sense of humor.

2. Accidentally flinging bottles across the bar.

You’re moving too fast, you pick up a bottle of simple syrup or spirits with damp hands and, the next thing you know, the bottle flies across the bar. Some bartenders recommend callused hands for better grip. But it happens to the best of us every once in a while.

3. Getting sprayed in the face by beer when you try to change a keg.

When you connect the coupler from your beer line to a fresh keg, you have to be careful not to push down on the lever as you’re connecting. If you do, you’ll get your own special “beer bath.” Not only do you have to suffer the embarrassment of failing at bartender 101, you have to work the rest of your shift soaked in beer.

4. When you make a drink incorrectly as the customer is watching.

We all get distracted sometimes behind the bar. We pour lemon juice when we should pour lime or we forget an ingredient in a cocktail. Usually, you can pass it off, but sometimes, if a bar guest catches you making a mistake, you must be prepared to take the blame and hang your head in shame.

5. When you get a little too loose behind the bar.

The number one reason bartenders get fired is for getting too drunk at work. While not every bar job is like this, often you’re allowed to have some drinks while you work. But you’ve got to know your limits. When the bartender is slurring more words than the bar patrons, it’s not just humiliating, it’s time for a new job.

6. When your ex stumbles in drunk and wants to talk.

Working in a public place makes it really easy for people to reach you. And there’s nothing more embarrassing than having a drunk ex wander into your job and make a scene. It distracts you from your work and usually forces you to be an asshole and kick them out of the bar.

7. When both the guys you’re dating drop by for a surprise visit on the same night.

A classic occupational hazard of bartending. Not so much humiliating as uncomfortable. But a sure way to entertain the rest of your co-workers for the night.

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