Bachelor parties are a necessary evil of the bartender life. They bring in revenue and can be fun, but serving a bachelor party requires a certain combo of patience and sass. From deeming overly rowdy behavior as an unfortunate industry hazard to mocking your lame matching T-shirts, here’s what bartenders really think of your bachelor party.
1. Matching T-shirts
You look ridiculous. We’ve never and never will understand this trend. Is it so you can find your friends after one too many tequila shots? And what’s with the sayings? “Goodbye life, hello wife” or “Buy me a beer, the end is near.” You do realize you’re preparing for your wedding, not a funeral?
2. Old fashioneds or beer — pick a different poison.
Women are often stereotyped for their beverage choices, be it rosé or pumpkin spice lattes. But it seems groupthink is strong in men as well. Bachelor parties usually stick to two drink orders, old-fashioneds or beers. Throw us a curveball and order some white wine spritzers!
3. Hitting on bar staff
Your buddy getting married is not an invitation to hit on female bartenders or servers. Yes, we may flirt with your party a little, but that’s just us doing our job. We are not interested in meeting you at the club after our shift and we do not care for your lewd comments. A good rule of thumb is — if you wouldn’t say it in front of your fiancé, don’t say it at all.
4. The guys trying to make things “epic”
Many think it’s not a real bachelor party if they’re not recreating The Hangover. We’re sorry, but this is a sports bar in Poughkeepsie, not a penthouse suite in Vegas. You’re not “The Wolfpack.”
5. The quiet bachelor party
The one thing worse than a rowdy bachelor party is a quiet one. And no amount of free, pity shots seems to do the trick. If your buddy really wants to go all out for his bachelor party, step it up, friends. Try to make it till at least 10:00 PM.
6. When the groom-to-be is not impressed
On the other hand, if the groom-to-be is an introvert who hates parties and crowded bars — maybe have a movie night instead? Bachelor parties are like weddings, they should be tailored to the taste of the couple getting married. It sucks to look over and see that the groom would rather be anywhere but here.
7. Bachelor party games
Bachelorette parties usually involve scavenger hunts, lingerie showers, even temporary tattoos. Bachelor parties seem to revolve solely around strippers and binge drinking. Maybe guys should get creative and play some dirty scattegories, too?
8. It’s always the introverts who arrive first.
Do yourself a favor, if you’re shy — especially if you only know the groom-to-be and not the rest of his friends — always arrive a little late. It’s so awkward when the bartender can tell two guys are waiting for the same party, but they’re both afraid to say hello. Small talk won’t kill you, but if that’s not your jam, hold on booking the Uber for an extra 30 minutes.
9. You’re only as strong as your weakest link.
No man left behind should be your mantra for the night. If someone in your party has one too many, get him in a cab — stat! It really sucks seeing a guy slumped in the corner booth totally wasted while his friends party around him. If he throws up, you’re all kicked out.
10. Your fiance’s bachelorette party
Yes, you should be worried, she is definitely having more fun. Have you seen those penis straws?