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7 Things Only Philadelphians Worry About

by Brandyn Campbell Jul 31, 2018

“Tough” and “Philadelphia” are two words that are often synonymous. The home of Rocky Balboa knows how to endure. From the flight of industry to a long-lasting drought of sports championships, we take it on the chin and keep moving forward. But even though we’ve overcome so much, even perpetual fighters have things to worry about. Here are seven aspects of life in Philadelphia that fill us with trepidation.

1. Health food

Look at the foods for which we’re we’re known. Cheesesteaks. Soft Pretzels. Hoagies. Tastykakes. Delicacies that clog the arteries but warm the soul. You’ll have to pry our comfort food away from our soft, doughy hands.

2. The Philadelphia Parking Authority

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Parking Wars was created for a reason. If the mere thought of being ticketed and towed by the PPA doesn’t fill you with trepidation, then you’re lying. It is by far the most efficiently run city department. They know when we’re racing to our cars to beat the meter and will always get there 30 seconds before us.

3. Snow

Mid-Atlantic locales should expect measurable snowfall to occur at least once a year. It happens with predictable frequency. Yet somehow we have no idea what to do with it. Cars can’t handle it. Trains stop running. Schools close. Parking spots are shoveled and stolen. It’s enough to make you want to hibernate until the snow melts and the roads clear.

4. Pennsylvania liquor laws

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Sure, laws have relaxed in recent years, allowing Philadelphians to join the 20th century and purchase beer and wine in the same location at some stores. But we still have so far to go before we can rid ourselves of the sheer madness that is Pennsylvania’s liquor laws. We live in hope that we never enter the dark place of needing to make a liquor purchase after 5:00 PM on a Sunday.

5. Overconfidence in sports

It’s a glorious time to be a Philadelphia sports fan. But we will never forget the lonely, long-suffering 25-year span without a championship. The agony of a lifetime is every team’s argument against the Birds being, “You’ve never won a Super Bowl.” Although currently brazen and prouder than ever of our teams, we still have a fear of returning to those cold, dark years.

6. Overpowering Billy Penn again

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The aforementioned championship drought is part of our DNA. The pain is a part of who we are. In the midst of the building boom of Philadelphia’s skyline, adding a Billy Penn figure at the top of a structure must never be forgotten.

7. Enduring Pat’s and Geno’s

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All family and friends from out of town want to go to Pat’s and Geno’s. Their neon lights get endless press but we know better cheesesteaks can be had on just about every other corner of the city. But sure, let’s go endure overpriced, unseasoned meat so we can say we had the experience.

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