1. You are going to lose all self-respect and dignity.
Before you even get going on day one, believe me when I say that all hope and dignity that you might have salvaged from the bottom of a litre of Jack Daniels is going to go out the door. During the long-haul flight to Tanzania, you’ve likely already had the shits and your hiking buddies have captured a video of you snoring louder than your granddad for four hours.
It’s only going to get worse from there — you’ll be washing in your undies out of a bucket in a campsite full of people and everyone will know all about your bowel movements and crazy anti-malarial nightmares. You’ll soon be pulling your trousers down around your ankles in barren mountain wasteland, with nothing to hide your bare body but a half-dead tree. You also won’t care, after all, you are wild mountain (wo)man now.