1. “Well, bless your heart.”
I don’t want to hurt your feelings regardless of your idiotic decision-making skills, so here’s an insult dripping in Southern charm.
2. “You’re such a peach.”
And by peach, I mean bitch.
3. “Do go on.”
Please, continue comparing my accent to Forrest Gump’s and Keanu Reeves’ from The Devil’s Advocate. I beg you.
4. “I’m so mad, I could spit nails.”
Preferably in the direction of your eyes.