1. Assume we pronounce it “Missourah” instead of Missouri.
We don’t even know anyone who actually does the “Missourah,” but we give you kudos for being part of the .5% of the population who actually knows what state St. Louis is in.
2. Talk shit about our Cardinals.
WHAT? Do we talk shit about your town’s Minor league team the Railroad Coal Miner Stars? Oh wait, no one cares and you’re just jealous that we have one of the best teams in MLB history in our backyard.
3. Get annoyed with at the abundance of Anheuser Busch products and our signature St. Louis / provel-style pizza.
When you’re in the home of Anheuser Busch and St. Louis-style pizza. We don’t go to New York and Chicago and run our mouths on their pizza, or talk about Milwaukee’s beer (to their face…)
4. Try to lump us in with the rest of Missouri or Illinois.
We have a culture all our own that you won’t find anywhere else. They can like our Cardinals, but we are the home of weird food traditions like pork steak, toasted ravioli, baked mostaccioli and frozen custard, as well as the St. Louis background check which consists of asking where you went to high school. You can assume other people in the rest of Missouri and Illinois are growing corn and riding a tractor. Whatever. Your guess is as good as ours.
5. Complain about your weather unless there’s a severe natural disaster.
Our seasons consist of the harsh dead of winter which immediately transitions into the most hot and humid summer you’ve ever experienced, with a day or two in between where you can maybe get away with not wearing five layers or dying of a heatstroke. We hear these days are seasons in other places called spring and fall. Must be nice.
6. Like the Cubs.
Just get out. Now.
7. Assume we’re talking about someone from Indiana when we use the word “Hoosier.”
I prefer to think of it as a term of endearment rather than an insult towards this redneck Missourian who makes the latest Teen Mom couple look like Kate and William.
Correct: This Hoosier just cut me off! She was talking on her cellphone and gave me the finger when I gave a courtesy honk before speeding off in a cloud of exhaust into the Troy Walmart parking lot.
Incorrect: My friend Sally is visiting from Indiana. What a Hoosier!
Hoosiers and all, St. Louis is a city rich in culture that gets a bad rep. Remember, you have us to thank for toasted ravioli and Jon Hamm. Just please don’t make us take you up to see the arch again.