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7 New Year's Resolutions Philadelphians Make but Never Keep

by Brandyn Campbell Jan 3, 2019

Every year, we Philadelphians reflect on the improvements we want to make in our lives, just after we get home from Two Street on New Year’s Day. And, every year, although we really want to commit to bringing better versions of ourselves to Philly’s future, we have trouble staying on track — there are resolutions Philadelphians can never keep. Here are seven of them.

1. Keep a shoveled-out parking spot.

We all want to be better neighbors and have peace and harmony on our block, but when someone takes a parking spot that they didn’t shovel, we go right back to having a parking cone and a chair waiting by the door just in case.

2. Protect ourselves in the face of perpetual heartbreak.

Falling in love and putting your soul into something is an exercise in trust and vulnerability. But once your heart has been broken, it can be hard to find your way back. Here’s looking at you, Philadelphia sports teams. Perhaps it’s time to say goodbye and focus our energy on something more positive…just as soon as we get next year’s season tickets.

3. Know when to say no to the Citywide Special.

We all love a good deal, that’s why the allure of the Citywide Special is hard to pass up. But this year, we’ll try to have only one Citywide at a time. Or maybe just two, tops.

4. Run the Philadelphia Museum of Art steps at least once a week.

Rocky was onto something with his art museum workout. It’s killer cardio that’s actually fun and provides great views. But as much as we like to think it’s going to happen this year, we’re not holding our breath.

5. No more grocery shopping at Wawa.

We all feel slightly sluggish after overindulging over the holidays. Time to restock the fridge with nutritious food and get back to healthy eating. That means meal planning, sticking to your grocery list, and not getting derailed by the convenience of Wawa. That said, a breakfast sandwich is nothing more than a lean, mean, protein-delivering machine.

6. Be a kinder, gentler version of ourselves.

Spreading love and kindness costs nothing, and it makes us all feel better. And we’ll all be doing that as soon as that jerk in the Cowboys jersey gets out of our line of vision.

7. Adopt cautious optimism as our new worldview.

We understand that, now that we have a Lombardi, we can’t win one every single year…but to hell with caution — this year is ours, too!

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