Philadelphians are a proud people and they love their city. You’ll hear them talk about the Eagles being the best team the NFL has ever seen; you’ll hear them talk passionately about how good Wawa is; and you’ll hear them praise soft pretzels and Termini Bros’ desserts. But there are certain things that Philadelphians never say. Ever. Here are 10 things that will never be heard on the streets of Philly.
1. “That’s a nice Cowboy’s jersey.”
For those who dare walk the streets of Philadelphia wearing Dallas gear, there will be many words said to you. None of them will be kind.
2. “I really respect the PPA for being so good at their jobs.”
Is the Parking Authority the most efficient group of city workers in Philadelphia, by a mile? Yes. Does that make us like them any more? Absolutely not.
3. “It’ll be fast to get there, I’ll just zip down the Schuylkill.”
A drive on the Schuylkill is like a roll of the dice; your trip could be 20 minutes or an hour.
4. “If we don’t have enough liquor for the party, I’ll head down to the shop.”
Purchasing liquor for a shindig, especially a last-minute one, is a logistical marathon.
5. “You know what I could really go for right now? A Subway sandwich.”
We don’t even know why there are Subway locations in Philadelphia. We don’t do subs, we do hoagies, and we actually expect them to be edible!
6. “I’m going to put my feet up and watch the game.”
There is an easy way to watch games, and then there is the Philly way.
7. “You can set your watch by SEPTA.”
It will get you there eventually (most likely), but we all need a backup plan.
8. “I’m gonna head to Wawa and get a Little Debbie cake.”
Outrageous. Does Wawa even sell Little Debbie products? If it does, it should stop. And you, over there, eating that zebra cake with the leather-like frosting? You should probably stop as well.
9. “I’d love to take a day trip for a change of scenery, but there’s nowhere to go.”
AC? Check. The Poconos? Why not? Maybe a hike in the Wissahickon? Our backyard options are pretty great.
10. “I don’t think I want to eat from a lunch truck.”
Food trucks are the best. We can celebrate the best of local produce or travel the world all in one meal.